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Your theory that emotion follows action has a well known name...."Cognitive Dissonance Theory"
 
The idea is that we have a tendency to try to find consistency in what we think. When there is an inconsistency between attitudes (e.g. "I like him" and "I don't like him"), something must change to eliminate this "dissonance". The "cognition" that is thought to "win" is the one that has been previously acted upon.
 
So if you are treating someone as if he is very valuable or important, you will come to believe that he is, even if you were not sure at first. In other words, it is thought to be easier to change opinion, than change behavior.
 
So, attitude (or opinion) accomodates behavior.
 
What a thought provoking post.
 
 
Many psychological theories claim that individuals behave to seek the most reward.
 
But according to cognitive dissonance theory, close to the opposite can be the case. As stated above, people may more easily change their opinion to accomodate their behavior, rather than their behavior to accomodate their opinion.
 
So if a woman is behaving in a way that honors a man, even if he is a jerk, she may come to change her opinion about the man (and decide perhaps that he is OK) -- before she is willing to change her behavior, and seek a man who is more thoughtful. (Attitude is accomodating behavior, rather than vice-versa)
 
So even if there are many men who would be more kind, she can remain stuck to the more abusive man, because she may be more willing to rationalize her behavior, than change it.
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